12 September 2019
6 min read:
When I was a boy – young, innocent, and a little insecure, smiling at the big world around me – my mother used to tell me:
“Son, later, when you grow up you have the choice of being a real man or being nothing whatsoever. If you choose to be a real man, you need to be able to live independently. A real man is able to have an independent life, you will encounter hardship, and no one will be there for you to help you.”
At this point my mother always got very serious!
“Do you understand?”
“Yes, Mum.”
“To become so, you must develop some basic skills. It might not be pleasant to learn but if you don’t develop them you won’t be able to gain independence and therefore you will never be a real man. You will be a sheep, a follower, someone who lives in boredom. If, on the other hand, you are able to develop certain basic skills, you will see that it will be much easier. And all other skills will come naturally. The choice is yours.”
A list
I listened and nodded. I didn’t quite understood well but somehow I agreed. Don’t we all want to become strong and independent? And so my mother taught me the very basic skills she believed a boy must learn. They were not always easy, nor were they fun to do. I was not always in the mood as I preferred playing outside with my friends, cycling around or building tree huts in the woods. But my mother persisted and she taught me the following basic skills:
- How to cook. Not just cooking an egg or preparing a silly sandwich… No, my mum was talking about real cooking! Thus, I learned how to prepare vegetables, cut onions, boil water for the spaghetti, and make tomato sauce. After came lasagne and rice dishes. I even made a delicious Beef Wellington for Christmas!
- Iron my own clothes.
- Tie a bow and a bow tie.
- Clean the house.
- Prepare the dinner table, especially for when there are guests.
- Sew on a button.
- Work in the garden. This brings respect for living things, plants and flowers. It teaches you to appreciate beauty.
- Respect older people, as they have been there before you. They will give good advice when they feel respected.
- Write formal letters. Thank people, request special things, congratulate them on their birthday or wedding, or write condolences after funerals.
- Speak with women. (I will never regret this skill, especially because at times it can be rather difficult.)
- Take care of yourself.
My father, eavesdropping at our conversation, said to me the following day: Boy! Listen to me. If you really want to become a real man, I will teach you the basic skills. These are the things you must master:
- Learn to make coffee.
- Make pancakes. Delicious, traditional Dutch pancakes! Everybody will adore you.
- Shave your own beard. Not just with an electrical shaver but with a real old shaving knife. (I have a German straight razor DOVO. Sharp as a ….)
- Read many books. Also, read many comic books! As they will train your mind.
- Fix your own bicycle. When having a flat tire or a loose chain, you must do it yourself.
- Repair things in the house. It begins with small things like changing lightbulbs. After that you’ll be able to do tasks that are more complicated.
- Make a fortune on your own – by learning a proper profession.
- Travel on your own and visit strange places. You will see and understand that the world is a magnificent place!
- Most of all: travel light. Make yourself flexible and adaptable during your voyage. It lowers the stress and when things go wrong, as they always will, you can easily pick up your little backpack and decide to go somewhere else.
- Build your own bed!
During the years, while growing up, I learned all of the aforementioned skills. It was not always easy, but I did it. And I am grateful for it. Besides, I added some extra skills on my List Of Real Man Skills:
- Fix car problems. When I was a student, I owned a blue VW Golf MK1 with 15-inch wheels. The most fun thing to do was to fix mechanical problems. I no longer have a car because I don’t believe it is useful having a car in the city and I don’t want to contribute to the city’s air pollution. It is better to take a bike, walk or use the public transport.
- Plant a tree. Every self-respectable man must plant a tree at least once in his life. But to offset my annual carbon footprint of about 4 metric tons of CO2-equivalents, I should plant 80 trees every year.
- Design and build your own Eco-friendly house. (This one I still need to learn.)
My own bed
Back to constructing a proper bed: Four years ago, while moving into my new apartment, I saw it was empty. There was only a kitchen. That was it! So the first thing I needed was a real bed. Not an IKEA bed or from another brand. There is no fun in doing that. That is just a simple pre-fabricated puzzle. Not cool. And worst of all, they all look the same. Boring.
No, I needed a real bed!
Gladly, I remembered my father’s words, and thus I started constructing my own bed. Well, designing, calculating, and constructing my own bed. I calculated that it would be much cheaper than even buying one. So I just started!
Did it go well? Yes and no. I failed many times and I had to rework it a number of times. I even spent about 10% more on the materials than I’d planned. But hey! Who cares? It is so much fun to do it myself!
So, how to build your own bed? This is pretty easy. Especially today with the internet where you will find many models and instructions. I did the following:
- Measured my room: You need to know how big a bed can be, still leaving some room around it.
- Searched on the internet for several wooden bed designs.
- Chose one design I liked and then I adapted the design to my taste.
- Listed all the necessary tools and materials (e.g. wood, nails, screws).
- Rented the tools and bought the materials. But I made sure I was buying local wood, not tropical wood imported from Brazil or Asia. It is very uncool to sleep in a bed for which they were cutting down rainforests! Check out the site from Reuters Graphics with beautiful infographics about deforestation in the Amazon.
- Started constructing a solid bed.
- Had a lot of fun!
- Failed, failed again, failed better!
Problem Solving: a super power
Personally I think constructing your own bed, and actually the process of learning many skills, has an extra dimension to it. Of course, they make you independent but that is not the only thing. The point here is that it goes much deeper. Learning and mastering them is a process of improving your problem solving capabilities. Problem Solving is one of the most important skills in life. It is a meta-skill. (Some kind of super skill if you want.) By performing the aforementioned activities, and there are many others, you are developing the cognitive ability to solving problems and finding creative solutions. Something very important in life!
You can also think about it this way: these skills are like tools in a toolbox. You can always use them. If you see your life as a big game, you need extra powers and skills to progress to the next level. There you will have bigger adversaries, so you will need to learn even more powers. Super powers are what you need! The more you know, the easier it gets to defeat the next bad guy. Even when your skills are mediocre, a combination of them will make you priceless.
So, come on! Be a real man and go build your own bed! A bed of which every woman would be proud.
Many thanks to writer and editor Merry (Meredith Bond) for helping me with this article!
*And of course, women can also build their own beds! Like I said, the main point here is to develop your problem solving skills.